This is my current fav. I keep seeing these cute little birds everywhere and they cheer me up on the weary shuffle to the office every day!
Short stories, current affairs, non-sense, things I care about and maybe a soapbox for when I do something awesome.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Toronto is Grafitti town (the good kind)
This is my current fav. I keep seeing these cute little birds everywhere and they cheer me up on the weary shuffle to the office every day!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Talkin' bout da future -or- Technological Singluarity for Dummies
Here are of few of those limits
No claws? Psssft whatevs I'll make spear and it's going to be awesome.
No Wings? No worries, ma homeboys O-Dub and Wil-Slice Wright gots some flying contraption up in there.
That moon thing? Been there, I'm pretty over it.
Communicating to everyone anytime? Yeah I twitter on the iphone when I poop.
Besides the limitations of our biology the human brain is this amazing product of nature, which seems to be driven towards constant self-improvement. Every year new incredible world records are broken and we seem to push the bar further. Every year the quarks and stars make more sense to us. What allot of people don't understand is that these things aren’t just happening gradually overtime, but in some cases, these changes that are happening exponentially. Quicker and more frequent.
Soooo blah blah fucking blah, I've been reading up on stuff like this allot recently. Anyway I've stumbled upon the work of Ray Kurzweil. (Which makes perfect sense.) This dude is an inventor and a futurist who is very much involved in the study of progress. You maybe remember him from such inventions as "text to speech" and "speech recognition". He's also Google and Microsoft's goto guy for opinions on whether or not their products are good for mankind. Anyways his work is making allot of waves and one of his most interesting concepts is something which could affect my generation within our lifetime. Technological Singularity.
"So what the fuck is techmo-gumbeldy goo or what ever the fuck u just said?"
Technological Singularity is more or less the sum total of progress as we know it. We need to start with the some of the first inventions/discoveries like fire, simple stone tools, cooking and farming. These innovations were hundreds to thousands of years apart from each other. With each successful innovation, the next innovation is discovered much closer than the previous. These changes in thought are called paradigm shifts, this is shit like finding out we orbit the sun, that the earth is round and matter is made of quarks and atoms.
We are coming to a point in our near future where technology will advance to a point where these changes in common sense will happen on a daily basis and beyond.
WTF?? Yeah that’s allot to process. It seems pretty far fetched, but there are some pretty simple trends and numbers behind it. Moore's Law is a good jump off point. Gordon Moore is one of the father of Intel circa 1968 and surmised that every two years the amount of transistors on an integrated circuit would double.
Hence a doubling in computer power every 2 years. So bro has kicked ass and it's been true so far. Computers get exponentially more powerful. Current computers will max out their capacity by 2020, but with developments of quantum computers and DNA computers, there really is no true limit. Even now I can jump on my blackberry, send a pic of my drunk self at bar to my cousin in Texas within seconds. During the 2010 Gold medal hockey game Canadians were all connected by web, phone and television within .5 seconds of each goal or drunk text.
This is just the beginning as we speak; energy companies trying to harness fusion, nano- machines which we will combine to our biology are being produced, new kinds of computers are being designed and low-earth orbit solar energy plants are being discussed. I'm really going to cut this all here as I could ramble on about this shit much longer, but take it or leave it, the future is going render our world so connected and different. It's going to be a Brave New World please make sure you are wearing pants when it arrives.
Adverb pre-fixed video game reviews.
*I am fully aware that some of these may not be actual words*
Left 4 Dead 2
Zombiely Vindicated, brains asplode with friends online!
- 4 out of 7 Goddamns
Assassins Creed
Stabily delicious but gets boring quick.
- Π out of 7 Goddamns
New Super Mario Brothers Wii
Frustratingly Awesome, turn parties into screamin
- 5out of 7 Goddamns
Bayonetta
Sexily carpal tunnel inducing, main story not meant for human comprehension.
- 6 out of 7 Goddams.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Raisins are stupid.
There are many many reason why I have concluded raisins to be craptacular.
Here’s why!
10. They’re all shrivelled and wrinkled like.
9. They used to be once delicious grapes and some jerk left them sitting out in the sun by accident and decided "Yeah I guess it's still food."
8. They clearly were not awesome enough grapes to be turned into wine.
7. The texture is nasty
6. They do not have brains and are therefore stupid.
5. They crap-up whatever food they are hiding in.
4. THEY HIDE and wait for you to bite them and ruin your food you previously thought to be delicious.
3. They are the devil's candy. Satan, Bill O’ Reilly and Professor Doom all teamed up in the 1800’s with a plan to kill humanity. This plan was know as “PROJECT DOOM RAISIN”
2. "Raisins range from about 67% to 72% sugars by weight(1)", which means they are trying to kill me with their freaking fructose.
1. They watch you sleep, they watch and they wait...
(1.) Albert Julius Winkler. General viticulture, University of California Press, 1962, p. 645. ISBN 9780520025912
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The black pools at the back of your mind
I could stare there for a million years,
I'd never really comprehend the neurons there.
You could love, laugh, snicker, giggle and fade, but at the back your face I see these pools of black.
You smile and cry, you laugh and suffer. Regardless of where you find yourself I find myself in the deep end your black pools.
I struggle how to understand how you even comprehend me let alone yourself. Yet we always find ourselves still swimming in the same end.
You swim in the same end, we’ll play pretty and play house, we’ll play nice and play mad. We’ll play cute and sad.
All the colours of the world paint our canvas, but our brush stops short at the back of your mind. There is no colour to describe where we met half-way or where we met our maker. These words are stupid and pretty and maybe don’t compute.
Maybe we could smoke some cigarettes and listen to the Smiths in your car or just stare at each other for awhile.
We'll never get each other completely but for god sakes you drive me crazy. I'll over analyze everything to death, but I want you to analyze me to death, let’s make out and sleep in tomorrow.
Just tomorrow promise me I can look into the black pools and hope to see something that makes sense to us both.
We’ll get up late and pay too much for breakfast, but it will be great.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I'm at work, listening to some MSTRKRFT
FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDAY....get yer butt over here.
I'll be okay *commence chair dancing...it's all in the shoulders*
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Videogame Logic I wish applied to reality.
Here are my 10 Rules and Logic of videogames that should apply to my life.
10) My clothes should give me attributes. (Hoodie + 2 charisma, Chuck Taylors + 3 to speed, parachute pants - 100 to life)
9) I want a damn inventory! Cuz shit son, my pockets ain't gunna cut it when I gets me an enchanted battle axe.
8)Mashing buttons fast makes you a rockstar. If life were like that I'd be god damned Chopin just by typing. Seriously I would only need 3 buttons to execute an epic panty-melting solo.
7) Experience points. Damn I wish I could rack-up magic power enabling skills by going through my own daily hum-drum. Example: Replenishing the coffee in my office +300XP! LEVEL UP! YOU'VE LEARNED *CAFFEINE JOLT*
6) Extra lives - If I had additional lives, I would do so many stupid(er) things. Like battling evil streetcars or jumping lava pits more often.
5) Saving - Remember that time my pants fell down and I threw up when I asked my girlfriend out for the 1st time? NO? THAT'S RIGHT cuz I hit the reset and started that shit from the last checkpoint.
4) Awesome items and presents for solving simple tasks - Yes, I would enjoy wielding the uber crossbow of the spacegods just for solving this morning's sudoku or pressing some buttons in the right order to receive some kind of enchanted boomerang.
3) A pet goomba - Damnit genetic scientists and mycologists of the world, get your shit together so I can buy me a goomba. I assume you just need some mushrooms and some nucleotides or some shit. Oh goomba, you are the pug of monsters.
2) Jump on things to win! - For reals B, if I could jump on anything standing in my way how sweet would that be? Need a promotion? Jump on your boss. About to get mugged? Jump on that poorly educated street thug. Late for the Subway? Jump on the all the commuters in row for COMBO POINTS!
1) Power-ups - Items, serums, elixers you know all that good stuff. If I could suddenly boost my speed and intelligence by drinking aspartame laden pop, that would be the biz-bomb. I suppose mind altering substances are the closest were going to get. Ummmm Happy 4:20?
*Player 1 has left the game*
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
This is a short story I wrote one night. It's up on my facebook and I like it hence here it is.
I won't get the chance to defend my case
Can't be sure how long its been like this,I've been waiting for Karma to rear it's head, its monstrous ugly fucking head.
I've been holed up here for so long, only cuz one more slip and I'm a dead man. Too many arrogant moves, too many close calls. I've been asking for it.
A pull of bourbon burns down my throat and into my mind to distract me, with the glow of my monitor to keep me company. The stolen wi-fi provides me my only window out of this hole.
I can hear in my subconscious, the smug terminal words "You fucked up" leaking from the lips of my own personification of the overwatch. I know the rumor and stories. There will be one single knock at my door. No noise and no struggle, no faces to blame.
I won't get the chance to defend my case.
I take another pull on the bottle of bourbon...yeah I guess I did fuck up. But I got so damn tired of keeping quiet and letting overwatch take away everything.
My wits are keen, I've got a belly full of shit cheap liquor and a fully loaded friend holstered to my side.
I hear the train run past outside of my building. Raindrops assault my windowless walls. I feel tense.
KNOCK...
Black holes are going to eat your face.
I love black holes. They are these giant overwhelming freakish anomalies of our awesome and mysterious universe. Once something has passed a black hole's event horizon not even light can escape from the pull of the gravity. Everything at the centre of a black hole gets torn apart by the singularity. An area of zero volume with infinite gravity. It's actually been discovered that there is a super-massive black hole at the centre of our galaxy, causing of the solar systems to orbit it. This is not a bad thing, it's not going to harm us, it's actually just keeping everything locked in place. They have reason to believe massive black holes are at the centre of all major galaxies.
What would it be like to get caught in one????
That being said here are the top 5 things I would throw in a black hole.
5) All of the world's stupid raisins. Raisins are teh dumbz.
4) Skinny Jeans
3) White Castle...the entire fucking franchise.
2) Whatever evil device that allows Canadian PM Stephan Harper to keep his human form in our dimension.
1) Will Smith's Big Willie Style.
That is all.
Shameless Self Promotion 2.0
Film Number 3 - The Ballad of Bobby the Bib
Summer 2007 48hr Film Challenge
We were 10 min late getting this in, so this one didn't qualify. This one is weird, but you can tell everything looks tighter.
Prop: Baby Bib
Central Conflict: Drunk at a funeral
Location: Parking lot.
Character Trait: Mean
Spoken Line: "That's the law"
Time Limit: 6 min
Film Number 4 - Last Round
This is where shit starts getting punch-tacular. We start exploding heads. This placed 3rd in the Spring 2008 24hr film challenge. This is the first time we used the team name "Creative Meat" we decided to stick with it after this.
Prop: Black box, elastic band, paperclip, bobby-pin, green string
Central Conflict: Drunk at a funeral
Genre: Action
Conflict: Divide and conquer
Spoken Line: "corrosive"
Time Limit: 5 min 30 sec
Film Number 5 - Bride to be... Delivered!
Summer 2008 48hr Film Challenge
1st Place baby!
We took the following awards:
Best Picture
Best Director
Best Editing
Best Cinematography
It's about a mail order bride. YEEEEESSSSSSSS! We've got some green screen and other kinds of magic.
Prop: Bingo Dabber
Central Conflict: Left at altar on wedding day.
Location: Bedroom
Character Trait: Ambitious
Spoken Line: "Musical"
Time Limit: 10 min
Film Number 5 - Faceopener: The Bloodening
We didn't place this time, but man we got to use stupid amounts of fake blood and at the end of the day that's really what its all about. Everything looks super tight now.
Genre: Horror
Theme: Suspicious
Prop: Jar of Horror
Line: "Welcome Back"
Time Limit: 5min 30sec
Film Number 6 - Baby Battle: Modern Dad vs. Perfect Mom
This brings us up to speed. At this point the Toronto Film Challenge group has disbanded and a new international group has entered the arena. The 48 Hour Film Project. So this was our film. They pick the genre at random for you...and they gave us. Family Film...oh fuck.
the following;
Genre: Family Film
Character: Stuart / Sabrina Oliver - Architect
Prop: Wrapped Gift
Line: "I expect you to be prompt"
The judges liked what they saw.
Awards
Best Use of Phrase
Best Sound Design
Best Cinematography
Best Editing
Best Film of Toronto
The members of Creative Meat are not normal humans. They stalk the countrysides at night scouring the land for discarded game boys and ipods.
Now in April Creative Meat is off to Vegas to compete against the other winners from cities all over the globe. Will my addition to blackjack overwhelm me or will I return with golden pants? STAY TUNED.
