Raisins are stupid.

The purported food item know simply as "The Raisin" is both evil and stupid, making foods that could have been delicious terrible since antiquity.

There are many many reason why I have concluded raisins to be craptacular.

Here’s why!

10. They’re all shrivelled and wrinkled like.
9. They used to be once delicious grapes and some jerk left them sitting out in the sun by accident and decided "Yeah I guess it's still food."
8. They clearly were not awesome enough grapes to be turned into wine.
7. The texture is nasty
6. They do not have brains and are therefore stupid.
5. They crap-up whatever food they are hiding in.
4. THEY HIDE and wait for you to bite them and ruin your food you previously thought to be delicious.
3. They are the devil's candy. Satan, Bill O’ Reilly and Professor Doom all teamed up in the 1800’s with a plan to kill humanity. This plan was know as “PROJECT DOOM RAISIN”
2. "Raisins range from about 67% to 72% sugars by weight(1)", which means they are trying to kill me with their freaking fructose.
1. They watch you sleep, they watch and they wait...



(1.) Albert Julius Winkler. General viticulture, University of California Press, 1962, p. 645. ISBN 9780520025912