Raisins are stupid.

The purported food item know simply as "The Raisin" is both evil and stupid, making foods that could have been delicious terrible since antiquity.

There are many many reason why I have concluded raisins to be craptacular.

Here’s why!

10. They’re all shrivelled and wrinkled like.
9. They used to be once delicious grapes and some jerk left them sitting out in the sun by accident and decided "Yeah I guess it's still food."
8. They clearly were not awesome enough grapes to be turned into wine.
7. The texture is nasty
6. They do not have brains and are therefore stupid.
5. They crap-up whatever food they are hiding in.
4. THEY HIDE and wait for you to bite them and ruin your food you previously thought to be delicious.
3. They are the devil's candy. Satan, Bill O’ Reilly and Professor Doom all teamed up in the 1800’s with a plan to kill humanity. This plan was know as “PROJECT DOOM RAISIN”
2. "Raisins range from about 67% to 72% sugars by weight(1)", which means they are trying to kill me with their freaking fructose.
1. They watch you sleep, they watch and they wait...



(1.) Albert Julius Winkler. General viticulture, University of California Press, 1962, p. 645. ISBN 9780520025912

The black pools at the back of your mind

I could stare there for a million years,

I'd never really comprehend the neurons there.

You could love, laugh, snicker, giggle and fade, but at the back your face I see these pools of black.
You smile and cry, you laugh and suffer. Regardless of where you find yourself I find myself in the deep end your black pools.

I struggle how to understand how you even comprehend me let alone yourself. Yet we always find ourselves still swimming in the same end.

You swim in the same end, we’ll play pretty and play house, we’ll play nice and play mad. We’ll play cute and sad.

All the colours of the world paint our canvas, but our brush stops short at the back of your mind. There is no colour to describe where we met half-way or where we met our maker. These words are stupid and pretty and maybe don’t compute.

Maybe we could smoke some cigarettes and listen to the Smiths in your car or just stare at each other for awhile.

We'll never get each other completely but for god sakes you drive me crazy. I'll over analyze everything to death, but I want you to analyze me to death, let’s make out and sleep in tomorrow.  

Just tomorrow promise me I can look into the black pools and hope to see something that makes sense to us both.


We’ll get up late and pay too much for breakfast, but it will be great.